I thought I'd add part 2 of "My House" writings. 

My House, Too

             I wake up slowly, and realize it might be an easy day. What's hard is to wake up with a jolt, no warning, like a bucket of icy water thrown in my face. Even so, I open my eyes cautiously. I never know what I'll find. This afternoon, I don't see much out of order. Unfortunately, what one sees is not what one gets. It's what I'll find under the bed, in the closet and in the kitchen that concerns me.

            I sit up and smile. She left the bedspread. I had spent a long time fixing up the one that was here, and I wasn't sure she would keep it. I'm glad she did! Maybe there is hope for her yet. I say that in jest, but only partly so. I don't have that much influence on her, and I'm not sure I want to. We do influence each other, but we mostly go in circles.

             She closed the closet door. That helps me know how she is doing. She is fearful. I open the curtains to let in some light. Light always helps! As I turn around to head for the bathroom, I see she missed the hamper with her dirty clothes again. As usual, I pick them up and deposit them into the bulging hamper. I sigh, does she ever do the laundry?

             I can smell roses before I turn the corner into the bathroom. Bath salts, there on the counter. I'm surprised! I know she hates roses. I don't much like them either, but someone does. I see she had a change of heart, as some of the salts are still in the bottom of the trash can. I find my toothbrush where I left it, and brush my teeth. My nightgown and robe are still behind the door. Now I'm really shocked!! Usually I have to dig it out of the trash, or go buy a new one. It was nice of her to put up a hook for me.

             I sigh audibly as I go down the hall. I wonder how the kitchen is. I shouldn't have wondered. What a mess!! Unwashed dishes litter the counter top. Empty food boxes are all over. I think she is afraid to throw anything away. It's as if some part of her, or some event will be erased if she discards something. I doubt there is any food to eat. If I weren't so famished, I'd go back to bed! I decide to find something to eat first, clean second. I look for the bowls, the new pretty ones, and finally find them. I had all these cupboards organized... not too long ago. I'm sure it hasn't been that long, but I guess I'm not that sure. Oh well. There are a few flakes of oatmeal left, and a can of peaches. That will have to do.

            It takes a long time to clean the kitchen. I am weary by the time I finally put the last dish away. I have somewhat worked out my feelings. I am very tired of picking up after her. I so often have to put everything in order. I'm not angry, just tired. When I back up, I can kind of see her side. Maybe...though I really don't know for sure. I can only guess. I think one reason the house is always a mess is because she leaves in such a hurry. Maybe she doesn't have a chance to clean up before rushing out the door. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her.. Maybe...but I think she should at least buy food. What am I going to eat? I will have to go shopping soon, and that's on top of the laundry! Non of us will survive long without nourishment. Maybe because she leaves so often it is hard for her to keep track of what needs to be done. I know I am only one in a large system...and I know far more than she does.

            The living room isn't too bad. It doesn't take me long to straighten it up. I don't think she spends much time in here. It's ironic that she spends her time trying to live while bypassing the living room. This is where I spend most of my time. I read, listen to music, draw and take naps in here. The kids toys are in here also. It is a great room to baby sit in. I can fold laundry in here, and iron. I do have to admit though, that for a long quiet sleep, nothing beats the bedroom.

            I sit gingerly on the bed. It is late, and I am tired. I hurt everywhere! The clothes are washed and put away. Ironing done. The kitchen is well stocked again and everything is cleaned and organized. Now the kids will have something to eat. I guess i didn't have to do all this work in one afternoon, but I never know how long I get to stay. i take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Now I have time to think. I wish things would change, but I don't know how they can. I will continue to pick up the pieces after her, sharing in our life. I hope one day she will know how much I do for her. I hope one day she will know how much I love her, and won't see me as a bad or scary thing. For now I will be content with my hook behind the bathroom door, and a pale yellow comforter with blue and lavender Hydrangea on it. Finding a good book to read is an added treat!

(Rachel)