I can't believe it's been more than a year since my last post. A lot has happened...
The ablation worked. Terrifying procedure though. My cardiologist is good...but has NO patient skills. He did not think that a life time of trauma would make a difference in his treatment plan... My therapist and I worked hard to prepare for it. I could not be asleep for it because the medication stopped the PVC's. There was no warning when he zapped the part of my heart that was misfiring...Just intense pain in my chest. It was a very traumatizing experience. But...I am grateful that it worked!!
Not long after the ablation, another memory of watching my father kill someone (Amy) started coming out. My therapist and I began tackling it with EMDR and energy work. Lots of tapping. After several months, I finally got a large chunk of it remembered. I was going to share it in my next session, when my therapist canceled due to illness. A week or two later he called and told me he had cancer. He died 2 months later.
I worked with him for 7 years. It took the first 5 years to figure out what worked...and how to do it. We were moving mountains towards the end. It has been one of the biggest losses in my life. After some research, I found a therapist who does a lot of energy work, is good with kids, and is generally awesome. I am blessed! I haven't unpacked the "Amy" memory yet. It has taken much longer than I thought to be willing to commit to starting over with a new therapist.
I've been amazed at the new therapist's approach. She is focusing on my body pain & illnesses, and it is resolving the trauma. (Nice!!) I'm learning that there is more than one way to attack memories...since the body holds the trauma.
Showing posts with label Illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Illness. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Sunday, March 1, 2015
I have been busy staying alive. It seems that is all I can do most of the time. I'm waiting for a Catheter Ablation now. It is a procedure that will zap the area of my heart that is misfiring and causing arrhythmias.
It amazes me how the body and mind work together. The damage to my heart was done when I was eight years old. My father thought he would do his own version of electro shock treatment to make me forget what he was doing to me... what he accomplished was heart damage that was held in a dissociative part named Jessica. The symptoms did not start until I remembered the incident about 10 years ago. Wierd, huh! If you asked a physician if this is possible, I'm pretty sure they would say "No way"!!! How little they know!!
I tried to "warn" (or to actually reassure myself) when I saw the cardiologist, but he was unconcerned that I had a history of trauma. Dr's relate to the term PTSD...but not to DID or childhood abuse. I am learning to use their language. But it still did not matter to him...I know it does not change the diagnosis or the treatment, but that was not the reason I wanted him to know.
Most people who have medical procedures that require conscious sedation don't remember the procedure afterward. That is the point of conscious sedation. Because I am multiple, conscious sedation only makes me unable to respond. I remember every detail of the procedure. So...to prepare for the Ablation, my therapist and I have been working diligently to reduce the fear all my internal kids have.
We felt that death is inevitable... set in place by the actions and wishes of my dad. Pretty much a Pygmalion effect. I'm VERY grateful that the fear of the procedure and the belief that we are fated to die are mostly all gone!!! Yea! Now it is just living long enough to get well!
Learning about the ACE study and how to counter the effects of the abuse has helped me enormously. So over all I'm a happy camper!!
It amazes me how the body and mind work together. The damage to my heart was done when I was eight years old. My father thought he would do his own version of electro shock treatment to make me forget what he was doing to me... what he accomplished was heart damage that was held in a dissociative part named Jessica. The symptoms did not start until I remembered the incident about 10 years ago. Wierd, huh! If you asked a physician if this is possible, I'm pretty sure they would say "No way"!!! How little they know!!
I tried to "warn" (or to actually reassure myself) when I saw the cardiologist, but he was unconcerned that I had a history of trauma. Dr's relate to the term PTSD...but not to DID or childhood abuse. I am learning to use their language. But it still did not matter to him...I know it does not change the diagnosis or the treatment, but that was not the reason I wanted him to know.
Most people who have medical procedures that require conscious sedation don't remember the procedure afterward. That is the point of conscious sedation. Because I am multiple, conscious sedation only makes me unable to respond. I remember every detail of the procedure. So...to prepare for the Ablation, my therapist and I have been working diligently to reduce the fear all my internal kids have.
We felt that death is inevitable... set in place by the actions and wishes of my dad. Pretty much a Pygmalion effect. I'm VERY grateful that the fear of the procedure and the belief that we are fated to die are mostly all gone!!! Yea! Now it is just living long enough to get well!
Learning about the ACE study and how to counter the effects of the abuse has helped me enormously. So over all I'm a happy camper!!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
enditnow
enditnow and Loma Linda University did a film (30 Min long) on the ACE study. I referred to the ACE study in an earlier post but now have the video to post. There are 3 versions of the video. I have only watched the Seventh-day-Adventist version. I know they are very similar, just a little different. You can take your pick.
I am interviewed in the video. It is kind of a long story how I got involved...weird thing is, I did not realize at the time exactly what the video was about, other than childhood sexual abuse. I'm sure they told me and the reason I didn't know was a result of the DID...lol... but I would have shared so much more about physical problems resulting from childhood abuse...but maybe that will come in time too...
I can't tell you how important dealing with past trauma is to your present and future!!!!! Feel free to share this video with everyone...you never know who might need this information.
I am interviewed in the video. It is kind of a long story how I got involved...weird thing is, I did not realize at the time exactly what the video was about, other than childhood sexual abuse. I'm sure they told me and the reason I didn't know was a result of the DID...lol... but I would have shared so much more about physical problems resulting from childhood abuse...but maybe that will come in time too...
I can't tell you how important dealing with past trauma is to your present and future!!!!! Feel free to share this video with everyone...you never know who might need this information.
Mainstream Version
Adventist Version
Religious Version
Monday, October 8, 2012
ACE's...Adverse Childhood Experiences
An amazing study done on the physiological effects of childhood trauma.
http://acesconnection.com/
Sobering, frightening and validating. It's purpose is to educate, inform and explain why adults abused as children suffer from so many physical problems. Illnesses that are hard to diagnose and are even harder to treat.
Check it out.
http://acesconnection.com/
Sobering, frightening and validating. It's purpose is to educate, inform and explain why adults abused as children suffer from so many physical problems. Illnesses that are hard to diagnose and are even harder to treat.
Check it out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)